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Weird fashion

(Stand up comedy script about weird fashion)

Have you noticed how some fashion designers take a good looking girl,
than put on them some make up that will make them look like a witch,
their hair style like witch broom,
and on top of that
they give them to wear a ridiculously scary dress.

I mean, even Picasso will go:
“What the fuck is this shit?”

Going on a date, yeah…
Soooo excited.
You dress up for one hour for what about usually take only 5 minutes.
You even buy flowers.
Going in front of the club,
waiting, waiting…
“Where is she? Where is she?”
Suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulders
“She is here”
you are filled with warm filling
you turn around, and you go:
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”
Flowers are flying everywhere.
“Are you fucking trying to kill me?!?
Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!
I almost had a fucking heart attack!
Hire a god damn hitman.
It’s cheaper then this Prada shit!
Is that bought from my money?!
Give my credit card back!”

Imagine you are relaxing in the living room,
and your wife comes home looking like that.
Good thing you weren’t eating something
because your daughter saying
“Mommy, Halloween was a month ago…
but I like the costume.
Can I have one like that for Halloween Mommy,
pleeeeeeeeeeeaseeeeeeee Mommy pleeeeeeeeaeeeeeee”.
Because if you were drinking or eating something at that moment…
If would have been a mess.

And I know that a lot of those scary models are actually thinking
“What the fuck is this shit.
OK, breathe deep, eyes on the prize,
a lot of dollars for walking 10 seconds looking ridiculously scary.
Eyes on the prize, you can do it.”
And the French critics are going like:
[In French accent] “Wow, that’s marvelous.
I never seen Darth Vader chick before.
I wonder how she sounds like?
I’ve give them 9.
She didn’t have the sword.”

Of course not all off the fashion is scary…
Some of it is actually pretty funny…
Sometimes going to a fashion show can be like going to a circus…
You could see dress which looks just like 100 $ bill…
And I go like: “I would love having 5 of those 100 $ girls…
Dress that looks like fry Eggs and hat that look like French bread…
Dress that looks like Queen…
from the playing cards.
They have dresses from all the fucking cards, of course.
Imagine hot girls in cards dresses walking in front of you.
Every men is thinking:
“Damn, I would like Full House of Queens and Nines.”
Even some of the women are tempted by the Ten and the Sex”
And the Store Managers are going like:
“I would like to buy 500 Queens, and 100 Sixes and Nines.
And 50 egg dresses with French bread hats.
I was wondering,
do you make credit cards as well?
Today a lady came asking for Dinners dress…”

And somewhere two teenager girls are talking on the phone:
“Tonight I’m going to wear Six, you wear Nine.
We’ll be 69, yeeeeeey.”
Probably Britney and Paris…

When I see those dresses I think:
Well, that’s like selling water in a desert.
You can get a hell of a prise!
If you find someone.
People usually don’t go in deserts to buy water.
And in the desert you don’t wanna sell water to a person that was wondering there looking for it.
They have that look:
“Water… My precious water”

Tags: Comedy, fashion, stand up, stand up comedy, weird, weird fashion